GenePool Humor

Dear Hotel Manager

My family and I arrived last evening in your lovely resort. New Hampshire in late Summer is just as lovely as we had heard it was supposed to be, although it is further away than we had anticipated, hence our late arrival.

There are a couple of minor things I would like to draw your attention to, although I'm certain they won't prevent us from having a splendid time this week.

1: It would appear someone made the foolish decision to install Nintendo in our room. This is one of those ideas that make people say "that's a great idea!" up until the moment their eight year old son stays in one of the rooms and refuses to leave. Our son currently considers nature to be what he has to travel through in order to get to his next video game, and it was our fervent hope that, by tying him down and dragging him first to Cape Cod and then to the mountains of New Hampshire, he might re-evaluate his feelings toward nature. Please advise your staff that the loud screaming and wailing emanating from room 109 are not indications that we are doing physical harm to our son; he always makes that noise when he doesn't get what he wants.

2: It turns out your swimming pool is heated. Given that it gets somewhat cold during ski season I suppose this makes sense, but we were unaware of this detail when we agreed to let our children visit the pool at eight P.M., when it was fifty degrees out and the sun was down. We were hoping they would realize how damned cold it is and run right back to the room so my wife and I could get back to recuperating from a long day of driving. Instead-- since neither of my children are old enough to be at the pool unsupervised-- we were forced to change into our swimsuits and get into the water ourselves, since the water was so much warmer than the air. We were also forced to sit in the hot tub next to the pool. This degree of luxury is simply shocking.

3: When purchasing our vacation package we were told that we would receive "Fun Spots" to redeem in a variety of local places in and near the hotel. In the brochure, the "Fun Spots" looked somewhat like a coin, which we mistakenly assumed to be a decorative affectation. Instead, we were handed, on check-in, a bag of coins easily heavier than one of our suitcases. We may have some trouble spending the "Fun Spots" as we are unable to lift the bag. Perhaps you should consider cardboard.

As I said, these are minor issues. I'm certain they will not interfere with what will undoubtedly be a pleasant four day stay.

Yours in writing,

Gene Doucette, Room 109

© 2001, Gene Doucette