Posted Monday, February 02, 2004 by Gene

There is only one topic to discuss today...
...and it is...

Janet Jackson's right boob.
No! It's...

The New England Patriots win the superbowl
Holy shit. I mean it; holy shit. This goddamn team has been trying to kill me all year, and last night they almost pulled it off. Amazing, amazing game. I've seen more than a couple of writers call it the greatest superbowl of all time, and I'm not arguing.

Mea culpa
I would like to apologize to the Carolina Panthers. I didn't know y'all had it in you. Especially you, Jake Delhomme. When the Pats took away the Cats running game and dared you to beat them... well, you nearly did it, Jake.

Honestly? If the Panthers had won last night I would have felt devastated, but I also would have been able to sleep, because I would have known the Patriots just got beat by a better team, and there are worse things you can say at the end of the season. ("He should've taken Pedro out" springs to mind.)

Someone should tell John Kasay...
...not to feel bad about that shanked kickoff. Tom Brady had a minute left and three timeouts. He didn't need the extra twenty yards anyway.

But here's what I didn't understand
It's near the end of the first half. The Pats have the ball on the Panthers six yard line. It's third down and one and they have no timeouts left. And there's thirty-one seconds left before the half is over.

Now. Supposing the Patriots run the ball here. Only one good thing can happen, and that is, they score a touchdown. Everything else-- picking up a first down but not scoring, not picking up a first down-- is bad. Because again, there's only thirty-one seconds left. So if they pick up the first down but don't score they have to run up and spike the ball to stop the clock. If they don't pick up the first down they can't even spike the ball, which means the kicking unit has to get on the field really goddamn fast to get a field goal out of it.

Obviously, any offensive coordinator with half a brain is going to pass the ball, because there is no bad thing that could happen. A completed pass from six yards out is a touchdown. An incomplete pass stops the clock and the kicking team can take their time. And a pass is what Charlie Weis calls.

So in that situation, not only does Carolina stack the line against a run, but Brady runs a play action fake... AND THEY BITE.

Did they not know there was thirty-one seconds left with no timeouts?

About that boob
One thing that's really bugging me today about the Janet Jackson right boob revelation last evening: I swear to god, she had on a pastie. It's either that or the Jackson family women have star-shaped, reflective nipples. What's bugging me about it is that first, none of the media stories mention this, and second, that it implies a pre-planned intent, whereas photos of her staring aghast at Justin Timberlake certainly don't.

Can someone out there who TiVo'ed the superbowl check this for me please?

As regards the rest of the halftime show
The worst ever. Bring back Up With The People. Or bring in someone who actually PLAYS THEIR SONGS LIVE! God, that is the most annoying thing imaginable. Who wants to see someone lip-sync to a song? Somebody explain to me the point of that, please. When U2 did the halftime two years ago it was revelatory. How 'bout just having them do it every year?