Posted Monday, April 17, 2006 by Gene

King Easter
I was given the onus of responsibility for constructing an easter basket this year. The reason for this is simple: I was not going to drive to Wrentham, which is where the only Harry and David's in the area is, now that the one in Natick has closed. Every year wife Deb and daughter Becky-- and possibly son Tim-- would go to the Harry and David's and overspend the hell out of this holiday on a single basket for the whole family. So I went to the Natick Mall alone and bought a crapload of Godiva chocolates, a few random jellybeans and milk duds, and a copy of King Kong on DVD.

Kong prompted the following exchange between my wife and myself on Easter Sunday:

Wife: what does King Kong have to do with Easter?
Me: um... Kong died for our sins?

Seeing clearly now
Guess who's covered by my eye care insurance? Fucking nobody, that's who. Not Pearl Vision or Lenscrafters or any other place where the word "convenient" and "fast" are a part of the conversation. I learned this when we tried to get Tim a new set of glasses after he busted his existing pair, and to look into getting me a pair with anti-glare coating so I can stop squinting at my computer monitor.

So after stopping by the Lenscrafters down the street from my office on Saturday morning, I went to work and looked up the insurance plan, and never has a larger list of independent eye doctors and voodoo practitioners been concocted. None of them had walk-in service and none could get glasses done in anything faster than a week. And, none had a selection worth a damn. I now understand how Pearl Vision and Lenscrafters et cetera remain in business despite not taking any insurance anybody's ever heard of.

The thought that occurred to me at Easter mass, for which I shall be going to hell
I think "Come to the Catholic Church: where the bread don't rise but Jesus does" would make a good slogan.