1: Reside in or near a city Aliens are partial to remote, isolated regions, so much so that if given the choice between abducting someone a second or third time from a farm or nabbing someone new who lives in a metropolitan area, they will pick the former.
2: Have an uninteresting ass This is an admittedly nebulous directive, since nobody is really sure what the aliens are looking for. (Some have suggested that they lost their keys in someone years ago and are still trying to find them.) However, an anal probe should figure prominently in their examination. You might even consider getting a small tattoo on your lower back that reads "nothing to see here." Others have taped themselves shut each night with duct tape. This does not work, and is also quite painful....
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How to Survive A Shark Attack
How to Conjure Up A Demon
How to Find Jesus
How to Survive A Trip to Disney World
...and much more!
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