There are as many ways to cross a busy street
as there are streets to cross. What we have tried to do is present
strategies that deal with the most common types of intersections.
Note: if you are from one of those states where all cars come
to a screeching stop as soon as a pedestrian steps off the curb,
you don't need to read this. We also recommend you never attempt
to cross a street in Massachusetts, as you will be killed.
--The Standard This is defined as any two- or four- lane road with two-way traffic wherein a car appears approximately every three seconds, with only a median strip, no proximate stoplights, and a speed limit in excess of thirty miles per hour.
1: Focus on one side The way to cross this sort of street is to concentrate on only one half of the road (half is defined as "where the cars are all going in the same direction as one another.")
2: Spot the gap Make sure you are positioned on a straightaway that allows you to see at least two hundred yards to your left. (Or right, in England. Note: Americans should not cross streets in England.) Even with two lanes of oncoming traffic there should eventually be an opening between cars.
3: Sprint As soon as the opening is in front of you, run to the median strip. Do not walk casually in the hopes that once you are in the street the oncoming cars will slow down, especially since we forgot to mention to look for a crosswalk first.
4: Wait for
another gap You should now be looking to your right. (Left,
in England.) Eventually another gap should appear to allow you
to sprint the remaining distance, but you must be patient as
cars whiz past you on both sides, your fragile existence being
protected by two thin yellow lines that are only respected in
the first place because the drivers feel like it. Now is not
the time to panic...
If you would like to see the rest of this chapter...
Order your copy of The OTHER Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook today!
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How to Split the Atom
How to Drink and Drive
How to Survive on the Moon
How to Avoid Alien Abduction
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