1: Locate the nearest lifeboat There will not be enough, so act fast!
2: Be a woman or a child In today's world, almost without exception, it pays to be an adult male. This is not one of those times. When electing to be a woman or a child, it will also be to your benefit to be a first class passenger. If you cannot be a woman or a child, please continue reading the directions, below, although frankly, your chances don't look so good.
3: Do NOT befriend a large-breasted redhead For starters, she won't get on the damn lifeboat even though she fits the minimum requirement of being either a woman or a child. Also, if you end up in the water with her, she'll take up all the space on the driftwood, leaving you treading water. This could be fatal...
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How to Escape From Prison
How to Take A Bullet
How to Identify Anthrax
How to Deal With Foreigners
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