Most experts will identify the term "white trash" as a derogatory appelation. Like most such terminology, it is therefore only okay when one happens to be white trash as well. Thus, recognizing oneself as white trash is the first step toward safely utilizing the term when describing others.
1: Am I White Trash? The list below is indicative of the typical characteristics of white trash. The more you personally answer "yes" to, the more likely it is you qualify.
-- Are you caucasian? (Required)
-- Do you follow NASCAR? How about monster truck rallies?
-- When the World Wrestling Federation changed their name to World Wrestling Entertainment, did you have to get a tattoo altered?
-- Just in general, do you have more than three tattoos?
-- Does your home have wheels under it?
-- Do you only dance when the steps are either prearranged (i.e., the Chicken Dance, the Electric Slide) or are shouted out to you in advance? (i.e., square dancing.)
-- Do you enjoy hunting? If yes, do you feel that fully automatic weaponry is absolutely required when planning an assault on deer?
-- Stand at the edge of your property and turn around slowly. While turning, did you at any point see a cornfield?
-- When you pronounce the word "nuclear" does an extra "U" end up in between the "C" and the "L"?
-- When attending football games, do you apply paint to any part of your body?
-- Do you regard anything not recorded in Nashville with extreme disdain?
-- Did you just have to look up the word 'disdain'?
-- Does improving the reception on your television set involve tin foil?
-- Did you not feel any need to attend college because you figured you learned plenty in high school?
-- Is 'evolution' a swear word in your home?
2: What do I do? Unlike many other categorical descriptions, it is possible to move out of the white trash category with only a little work. This is done by choosing an alternate category. Most categories have a simple application process, such as:
-- East Coast Intellectual
-- West Coast Surfer
-- Jew (conversion to Judaism may be required)
-- Communist
-- Liberal democrat
-- White guy who thinks he's black (language course may be required)
-- Homosexual
Things to Know
-- There is absolutely nothing wrong with
being 'white trash' and we are sorry if we have offended anyone
who meets the requirements and has no intention of ever changing,
or who objects in general to being referred to as white trash
in the first place. Please put the gun down.
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How to Survive A Bad Movie
How to Fend Off A Bear
How to Get Into Heaven
How to Rob A Bank
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